Civil
Discourse 101

Civil discourse relies heavily on presenting valuable viewpoints and having genuine, factual, and bias-free dialogue. I find it helps to take a solution-oriented approach and to go into every conversation as a problem-solver. Always keep the discussion open and welcoming, and reflect on the situation, making sure you have something valuable to add, before you express your position.

Fostering civil discourse doesn’t always mean agreeing or feeling comfortable. It does, however, require you to be open and honest, inquisitive, and share your opposing perspectives. This will propel you out of your comfort zone, and you should expect to receive pushback from time to time. Being critical of others’ ideologies is natural because everyone approaches a situation from their unique standpoints, but respecting others’ self-esteem while focusing on the problem is crucial. A large part of this also lies in accepting criticism wherever necessary.

A civil discussion must be free of presumptions and judgments. This means providing equal opportunity for everyone to speak and conduct non-judgemental conversations.

Striving to create an unbiased environment helps in conducting a civil dialogue. When you try to understand the opponent’s views, it develops empathy and helps everybody reach a productive conclusion.

Civil discourse isn’t about debating or changing others’ mindsets. It’s about learning and respecting others’ perspectives. Starting a conversation with a flexible mind helps you stay focused on the bigger picture.

I always strive to be curious about other people’s standpoints. This helps me broaden my horizon to solve an issue faster, and avoids conflicts or personal attacks. Finding the motivation to do so becomes effortless when you stay focused on learning.

The ultimate goal of civil discourse is to resolve problems and reach an understanding all parties are comfortable with. The solution must advance in the general interest of every party involved. How can you get there? The answer lies in seeking common ground and mutual principles behind differing convictions.

Setting safe boundaries with the people involved plays a vital role in any civil discussion. It promotes a healthy atmosphere where everyone feels free to express themselves without disrupting the decorum.

If there are no firm boundaries, the chances of personal attacks and abusive or disrespectful acts persist. 

Implementing the following steps before the discussion starts will help in setting safe boundaries:
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Passive listening isn’t conducive to creating a healthy dialogue. Engaging in civil discourse isn’t about changing the other participants’ views. Rather, it’s about expressing yourself openly and listening to conflicting positions civilly. 

Active listening builds an appreciative environment where the other person feels heard and respected. It develops a sense of mutual appreciation between everyone involved.
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Here are a few things that have helped me immensely in improving my active listening skills:
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It's important to remind yourself that every person has their own cognitive biases. They'll initially see any situation from their perspective.

Having different opinions on a subject doesn’t mean they disregard your stance, it just means they perceive the situation differently. This reminder creates scope for me to explore new aspects and broaden my approach.

Here’s how you can do it too:
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Stick to the facts. The basic rule of civil discourse is to remain respectful and avoid personal attacks. Sticking to the facts can help keep a conversation on track and avoid leaning on your opinions.

It helps to take the time to make yourself aware of your personal biases, so it’s easier to spot them.
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Here are a couple of things to remember when it comes to sticking to the facts:
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I find it helpful to use assertive language with a steady, moderate tone while expressing or defending a point. This helps other people feel comfortable enough to share their opinions without aggression. 

Assertive language is one of the ground rules for engaging in civil discourse.

Here's how to do it:
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Many people assume civil communication is synonymous with being excessively polite, but this isn’t true. Civil discourse isn't a matter of being a people pleaser, it's about choosing effective discussion over heated disagreement. It’s not about always holding back to avoid differing opinions. It’s about being open to differing conflicts to understand a subject objectively.

Civil discussion always has room for others’ opinions. Showing respect is non-negotiable. There's no space for derogatory acts like labeling and name-calling. A civil dialogue never results in making someone feel inferior, oppressed, or disrespected.

Keeping the personal attacks at bay is necessary for a rational discussion. Bringing emotions into an argument will cause friction and make it more difficult to come to an agreement. Communication techniques that lead to hurtful scenarios are not acceptable. They hinder you from fostering an environment for civil discourse.

Putting forth your unfiltered opinion is a fundamental unit of civil discourse. But it doesn’t give you the liberty to be physically or verbally aggressive. Civil discussion is all about proving your perception without resorting to aggression.

Sarcasm lies out of bounds for those who want to engage civilly. Passing insulting comments, eye-rolling, sighing, etc., aren’t helpful in engaging in civil discourse. Engaging disrespectfully can hinder conversations with sustenance and make it impossible to carry out discourse driven discussions.

Managing emotions can make or break the flow of an intellectual discussion. You must be able to analyze and manage your emotions and be flexible to show acceptance. Journaling is an effective habit to track your emotions and reflect on a subject. Be mindful in your responses instead of giving into your first instinct and reacting with emotions.

By using facts to guide your conversations, they will be more meaningful and oriented towards finding solutions. Developing critical thinking skills empowers you to process what is being said, so you don’t rely on assuming the best solution without knowing the facts.

It also allows you to listen patiently, process the situation, and stay focused. Thinking critically to resolve an issue while considering every viewpoint facilitates civil discourse.

The goal of civil discourse isn’t to have a winner and a loser, it’s to reach a mutually agreed-upon solution. The best way to do this is to focus the conversation on actionable solutions to the topic at hand, and identifying ways to prevent the issues from occurring in the future. This involves being able to look past the problem (and all of your beliefs and emotions surrounding it) and focus on what can be done to reach a solution.

The goal of civil discourse is to develop a better understanding of any given subject. How else could we better achieve this than by developing empathy? The better the understanding of a situation, the more sophisticated the discourse becomes. It keeps the blame game out of the discussion and eases two-way communication.